Surrender Read online

  We walked through the door. “How about a glass of wine, instead?”

  He sauntered to the refreshment counter where there was a display of wines. They weren’t the same labels we had at home, but I didn’t expect an independent movie theater to carry hundred-dollar bottles.

  He handed me a glass of red after paying for two glasses. “I think this will help you enjoy the movie.”

  I nodded, greedy for the wine. I needed something relaxing coursing through my veins rather than nervous adrenaline.

  “Let’s find our seats.” He led me into the theater.

  It reminded me of one of the theaters I used to go to as a child. The walls were draped in heavy burgundy velvet. It had a way of feeling lush and outdated at the same time. There were only three other couples in the theater. I didn’t know if that was enough, or too many.

  We sat a few rows from the door. The theater didn’t have grand stadium seating. The chairs were worn and squeaked when we sat. I hoped the movie was interesting enough that no one noticed we were about to slip out.

  I gripped the plastic cup my wine was sold in. There might be a little more courage if I could get to the bottom of the cup. Something that would quell the uneasiness about tonight.

  “What if someone notices?” I whispered as Vaughn draped his arm over the back of the seat.

  “No one cares,” he answered. “We’ll be back soon.”

  What we were about to do was the first real step to breaking free. Up until now it had all been words, not action. We had imagined the hypothetical. Pondered the fantasy of independence. It was happening quickly.

  The lights faded and the screen was black. A woman appeared on the screen holding a gun. She pointed the barrel at the camera. It sent chills down my spine. I couldn’t look away, though. There was something in her eyes. Something haunting about how she looked right at us.

  Vaughn tapped my knee. I knew that was my cue to follow him, but the gun loomed in front of us. I was afraid to move, as if the actress knew we were undertaking the impossible. If she saw us, would it go off?”

  He tapped again. “Babe,” he whispered.

  I flinched and scooted over his seat and into the aisle. Within seconds we were out of the dark theater and jogging down a set of stairs.

  It smelled musty and felt cold under the theater. Vaughn knocked on a door at the bottom of the staircase. I imagined this was how speakeasies operated in the 1920s, but without the stale scent.

  The door whipped open. “Come in.”

  “Thanks,” Vaughn answered, pushing me ahead of him.

  “Sheldon this is Kate.”

  “Nice to meet you.” I smiled at a guy who couldn’t be over the age of twenty. His goatee was unruly. He wore thin-rimmed glasses and a faded Captain America T-shirt. This was the skilled coder we were trusting with our lives?

  “Yeah, yeah.” His head bobbed without making eye contact.

  I ventured into the studio. There were multiple cameras set up on tripods. The packages were piled together near his desk.

  I looked at Vaughn. There was nothing menacing about Sheldon, but I didn’t get why he was the one.

  “There’s a bathroom through there.” Vaughn pointed. “Pick anything you want and change. Quickly,” he added. “We’re on a tight schedule tonight.”

  I didn’t want Sheldon to hear me. I tugged Vaugh’s elbow, drawing his ear closer. “How is this going to work? There’s nothing down here.” The walls were a drab gray concrete.

  “Don’t worry. He’ll handle that part. He just needs you and the background is easy.”

  “Oh. All right.”

  I wasn’t sure what I expected. Maybe those cheesy backdrops we used to stand in front of when Garrett and I went on trips to the aquarium or the zoo. We’d pose and pretend there were actual lions chasing us, or that we were in a tank with sharks. Down here it was cinder blocks and computer screens. It was hard to believe Agent Kenneth would see a picture of me and buy into a tropical vacation, but I trusted Vaughn. If Sheldon was his guy, then he was my guy too.

  “I’ll be right back.” I hauled the bags with me into the bathroom. I tried not to touch anything while I changed.

  I emerged in the first sundress I had tried on at the mall.

  “Perfect.” Vaughn grinned. He sat on a stool close to the computer screens. There were five on various levels of Sheldon’s desk.

  “Where do you want me?” I asked.

  “Over there.” Sheldon still hadn’t made eye contact with me. His focus was on adjusting the camera lens.

  “What do you want me to do?” Sheldon was already encroaching on my personal space. He held the camera over my head. “What are you doing?”

  “Selfies,” he explained.

  “Oh.” I needed more direction. More input on what kind of shots he needed.

  After a few minutes, I started to get the hang of it. A few times he even drew my hand toward the lens as if I were holding the camera myself. Every once in a while, he asked Vaughn to stand behind me or put his hand on mine. He never shot Vaughn’s face, only used him in the background. It was just enough to let Agent Kenneth know we were still together. He was there.

  By the time we finished, I wanted to head home and sleep. I couldn’t muster another smile.

  Vaughn looked at his watch. “There is still thirty minutes left in the movie. We need to head up.”

  I sighed. “I’ll put my movie clothes back on.” It was the last time I had to work in the grimey bathroom.

  Vaughn waited for me by the door. “Thanks again, Sheldon.”

  “No problem.” The coder was behind his desk loading the pictures. I stared in awe as he manipulated a picture of me with the beach on the horizon.

  “Wow.”

  Vaughn chuckled. “See? Nothing to worry about. Let’s get back to our seats.”

  “Bye, Sheldon. Thank you.” I waved as we exited, but I didn’t get a response.

  Chapter Twenty

  That night I collapsed on our bed, staring at the sparkly crystals overhead. Vaughn crawled in next to me. He smelled like clean soap and the lotion he put on after he shaved.

  “Mmm.” I wrapped myself around him, pressing into the ruggedness of his body.

  “Did you like the movie?” he asked.

  “Yes. But I didn’t understand half of it. So maybe I didn’t. I’m not sure.”

  He laughed. “Subtitles would have helped I guess, but you aren’t going to get those in Paris.”

  He ran his hands over my body before hitting the remote that turned off the chandelier and the lights on our nightstands. I didn’t want him to fall asleep as quickly as he usually did. I wanted to stay up and talk about our plans. I had more questions now than when we were in the boutique. I wanted to plot out every little detail until the sun came up, but it wasn’t possible.

  “Brunch and crosswords tomorrow?” I asked.

  He squeezed my shoulder. “Sunday routine.”

  My hand rested on his chest. He spun the enormous diamond on my ring finger. I was used to wearing it now. Used to being his wife. Used to telling people I had a husband.

  Suddenly I sat straight up in bed. I gasped.

  “What’s wrong, Em?” Vaughn was startled.

  “Oh my God. I forgot my mother’s birthday. It was today.”

  He looked more relieved than he should have. “Oh.”

  I glared. “I’ve never forgotten her birthday. I always call and send flowers. This is the first one I’ve missed. Ever. Ever, Vaughn.” I eyed him. I knew my disappearance would be enough to ruin her birthday, but this felt worse somehow.

  “I’m sorry. I wish there was a way to tell her happy birthday, but there isn’t. It’s not possible.”

  “I can’t even send a card?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “Postmarks tend to be a problem.”

  My brows knitted together. I tried to think of a way to make it up to her. A way I could send a message or a gift somehow, but there would be
an electronic trail. Anything she received from me would be scrutinized, and if she was cooperating with Agent Kenneth he would consider it as evidence.

  I folded my arms and leaned into Vaughn again. He pulled me back under the covers.

  “I’m sorry, baby.” He kissed the top of my head. “I’ll make this right,” he whispered. “I promise.”

  I didn’t care if they were listening. I didn’t care if they were eavesdropping on this conversation. For the first time in a long time, I fell asleep knowing Vaughn’s promise to me meant more than anything he had ever said. Because he finally had a plan to free us and he was going to take Blackwing down. This was the last Saturday night we’d ever sleep in the flat.

  We were going to make sure of that.

  The first assignment had been completed. Sheldon was uploading and planting my new Instagram account tonight. The trail of photos would lead Agent Kenneth to Paris. That’s when the real fireworks would begin.

  It turned out I wasn’t only good at decorating and throwing impromptu dinner parties, but also pretending that a charity ball was the most exciting thing that had happened in my life. It was humiliating that Blackwing thought this was what had become of my law career. That I was fulfilled by makeup and clothes. More concerned with how my nails looked than fighting for social justice. For some reason they believed my transformation. If they didn’t, Vaughn would have been called in for a meeting.

  I was surprised when he announced over dinner that he had made a huge step with Paul.

  “What kind of step?” I asked.

  “After all the time I’ve spent dropping by the lab, he finally told me that he keeps most of his formulas in journals.”

  “What? He hand-writes this stuff?”

  Vaughn nodded. “He says it helps him to visualize the compounds if he draws them out. Everything he’s working on that he hasn’t shared with Mertech is in journals. And I know where they are.”

  I couldn’t believe he was still trying to complete his assignment with Blackwing, but I couldn’t call him out for it. Not while they were listening. The truth was, I hadn’t thought much about his assignment. I was only focused on our escape.

  “Where?” I asked.

  “It’s going to take a few days, but I’m going to start transcribing. I want you to know where they are in case…” His voice faded.

  “In case what?” My skin prickled.

  “Em, this isn’t an easy job. If something happens I want you to give Eloise the files. Everything I have. Do you understand?”

  I stared at him. It was the disadvantage of playing double agents in our own home. There was always a chance I would misinterpret the signal. I relied on our connection so heavily. I trusted that I knew him so deeply, on a different plane, a different stratosphere that we could navigate without language.

  “Yes. Just show me. I’ll give her everything.” Was I playing along? Was I supposed to be taking better mental notes?

  “Good.” He pushed back from the table. “There’s a closet behind the wine fridge.”

  “There is?” I followed him around the island. “Since when? How did it get there?” I had a lot of questions.

  The tall wine refrigerator was on wheels. Vaughn jiggled it before rolling it out into the kitchen. I gawked at the half door in the wall behind it.

  “Everything will be in here.” He revealed the cubby hole. “The jump drives. The transcribed files. Everything Paul has on the formulas, the patents, his contacts, and the trials he has conducted. It’s all here. This is your insurance policy. Show this spot to Blackwing. They will know what to do with it.”

  I watched as his muscles flexed when he shoved the wine fridge back in place. The bottles rattled inside the glass door. I thought I understood better what he wanted. Whoever was listening would know exactly where Vaughn stored Paul’s files. It would be the first place they would search when they realized we had fled Paris. At least, that’s what Vaughn was betting.

  “Ok.”

  He spun me toward him. “It’s not going to come to that, but I feel better knowing that all this work I’m doing isn’t going to be for nothing. I trust you with it. You’re the only person I’d ever trust with it.”

  “It’s in good hands.” I smiled. “I promise.”

  He winked. “That’s what I’m counting on.”

  Aubrey sprawled out on my bed. Her long legs canvassed half the mattress. “Aren’t you bored? I’m bored.”

  I walked out of my closet, holding several gowns. I had narrowed my dress choices for the charity gala to three.

  “You don’t have to do this. I can pick out the final dress.”

  She groaned. “No, that’s not what I mean. I’ll help you pick out the dress. I want to help you get ready for Saturday night. I meant being here. Paris. I think I’m homesick.”

  “Oh.” I hung the dresses on a hook on the closet door and joined her on the bed. “I’m sorry.”

  “I know what triggered it. What triggers it every time.”

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “My sister. I called her this morning. I was already feeling a little sad.”

  I crossed my bare feet under me. “Did you two argue or something? What happened?”

  “You’re going to think I’m the worst sister when I tell you.”

  I thought I had the worst sister market cornered. There was nothing she could tell me that would top what I had done to my family. I hadn’t contacted Garrett since our one and only conversation before Christmas.

  “Of course I won’t.”

  She sighed. “Well, that’s because you haven’t heard it yet.” She paused. “She’s pregnant. Again. This is her fourth. Four? Can you believe that? Instead of saying, ‘Congratulations, I’m so happy for you,’ I said, ‘Why? Why are you having another baby?’ Who says that? What is wrong with me?”

  “It’s understandable. It doesn’t mean you aren’t happy for her. You were surprised. You’re allowed to have a gut reaction.”

  “Am I?” Aubrey sat forward. “I know what it is. It takes about two seconds of introspection to identify it. I’m jealous. I’m jealous she’s going through pregnancy again. And I’m not there. She’s going to have this huge life experience and I’m here. I feel disconnected and jealous. It’s like those two things are at odds.”

  “Family relationships are always complicated. I think things are always at odds. At least that’s how I see things with my brother.”

  “You have a brother? I didn’t know that.”

  I nodded. “I do. He’s younger by three minutes.”

  “A twin brother? Wow.”

  I smiled. “He’s always dealt with a lot of problems. I’ve dealt with his problems.” There was something pure about giving Aubrey the truth, letting her in on details about my twin. “I thought being in Paris would be a relief, you know? I’d get away from the stress. But instead I feel guilt.” I looked at her.

  “I’m sorry, Kate.”

  “Me too.” I smiled. “But he is not the issue today. For once,” I joked. “Are you going to call your sister back?”

  “Not today, but I will. I need to be able to tell her I’m happy for her. I have to get out of this head space where I’m still thinking about whether Paul and I made the right decision not to adopt.”

  “Do you know for sure that’s not going to happen?”

  “Paul is dedicated to his research. I don’t see him changing his mind. That means I have to figure out what I’m doing here. I’ve never been dependent on him, and that kind of shift in our marriage isn’t going to work. Neither of us is wired for that.” She exhaled. “Enough of that shit. Let’s see those dresses.”

  “Are you sure?” I hesitated. She had peeled back emotional layers that would be hard for any to ignore. “We don’t have to look at my dresses this afternoon.”

  She waved her hand in the air. “Of course we do. It’s what we do now.”

  “We’re in a transition period, Aubrey,” I offered her the s
ame explanation Vaughn gave me a hundred times. “It won’t stay like this.”

  “Try on the dresses.” She pointed to the beaded gowns. “Go. Life crises can wait.”

  I didn’t feel good about dropping the conversation, but I couldn’t press her to dig deeper into those wounds.

  “All right. First dress coming up.” I selected the long black velvet gown and disappeared into the bathroom.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I’d always loved the vanity in our bedroom. It had been ridiculously expensive and unnecessary. I applied my makeup in the bathroom, but I liked to pretend in this new life as Kate Birch, I was the kind of woman who would spend time in front of the mirror with soft lamp light, spending time preparing for dates with my husband. I’d lay out all the high-end cosmetics and over-priced brushes. One by one, I’d use creams laden with pearls, and serums guaranteed to keep me infinitely young.

  Tonight, I sat in front of the vanity for the last time. My makeup was already applied. I had used the bathroom mirror as usual. I gripped the pen in my right hand. The sequined gown fanned around me. My hair was up in a loose bun. I wore new diamond earrings. A gift from Vaughn.

  The words on the page weren’t coming as easily as I thought they would. I had a lot to say, and no direction on how to put them together. Nothing would change what we had done. Nothing could take back the betrayal. The trust that I had broken.

  I sighed. It was an impossible letter to write.

  “Babe, you ready?” Vaughn walked in, looking irresistible in a fitted tux. My heart beat faster.

  I looked up. “Not yet. I need a few more minutes.”

  He tapped his watch. “The Auclairs are waiting. The car is downstairs.”

  I filled my lungs with as much air as I could. I was fighting to extend the minutes, even seconds, wherever I could. “Ok. I’ll be there in a minute. But would you grab my wrap from the closet for me?”

  “Of course. I’ll let Paul know we’re headed down.”

  He strolled to my closet and lifted the fur wrap from the hanger. He turned off the light.