Dirty Game: A Secret Baby Sports Romance Page 14

I tossed a log on the fire I had made in the pit behind the house. I took a sip of beer and cushioned my guitar in my lap.

  The strings stung my fingers as I strummed the first chord. Every part of me felt the chill through the wire. But it was what I needed. I wanted to linger in the numbness as I drank myself drunk. As I watched the flames turn to embers. As I sang words I didn’t have the guts to admit to anyone else except an empty backyard.

  The fire crackled as I put the song together, one broken thought after another. I reached for the last beer in the case. How in the hell was I all out of beer? Maybe if the Thrashers released me I had a backup career. I kicked the coals with the heel of my boot. Fuck. That wasn’t even funny.

  I didn’t have anything if I didn’t have football. I shook my head. It was worse than that—I didn’t have anything if I didn’t have her.

  And that’s what I had to face here. That’s why I truly came back in the middle of the season. I never showed my face here in the fall.

  I had to let go of Sierra once and for all, or I was going to re-break over and over. There wasn’t anything I could do until I said goodbye. She was like a ghost on this island. I saw glimpses of her when I drove over the bridge. Every corner took me back to the first time and the last.

  I knew there was a bottle of bourbon in the house somewhere. I staggered inside, fumbling for the lights and grabbed the bottle from the back of the kitchen cabinet.

  I twisted off the top, feeling the thirst pool in my mouth for the relief of the whiskey. My salvation might be in the bottom of that bottle. I tipped it back and strolled to the fire.

  I picked up the guitar and let the words tumble.

  I had to remember before I could forget. I knew she had forgotten. Tonight I’d drink the whiskey. I’d let the fire burn and I’d remember enough for the both of us.

  36

  Sierra

  It was hard to believe this morning I was sitting on the floor in my tiny apartment crying my eyes out and now I was here.

  My hands trembled as I parked the car in front of the boathouse. This had to be the single most insane thing I had ever done. I looked through the window of the workshop building and saw a figure walk past the glass. An instant swirl of butterflies descended on my stomach, followed by nausea.

  Of all the nights for Emily to work late, this would be the one. I needed her. Needed her more than any other time. It was nine o’clock, and my phone hadn’t rung once. I had left her three desperate voicemails.

  I had rushed straight to the airport with the pregnancy test in my purse. Luckily, flights between Raleigh and Dallas were frequent—I was on the next flight to Raleigh three hours later, and touching down in my home state at five o’clock.

  It had all happened so fast; I didn’t have a great plan. All I knew was I had to get to Blake. I thought that was going to be tracking him down in Orlando, but with a quick online search I read that he had gone home while the rest of the team was in Mexico.

  I watched the shadowy figure pass by the window again. Well, I didn’t just spend a fortune and fly across halfway across the country to sit in my car. I pushed open the car door and walked toward the boathouse office.

  I bit down on my bottom lip. I knew Blake wouldn’t be excited to see me. He had made that clear months ago. It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried to call. Every time his phone rang it went straight to voicemail. I didn’t have a choice. I had to do this. I had to live in truth this time. It was the right thing to do—the only thing I could do. I knocked on the door.

  “Hold on.” I heard the friendly voice through the other side.

  “Sierra?” Cole stepped back with a puzzled look on his face. “What are you doing here?”

  “Can I come in?” I smiled, feeling my knees go weak. I’d come so far, but now that I was here I was losing my nerve. And I couldn’t count on body not to roll with nausea at any second.

  The plane ride had been uncomfortable and embarrassing enough.

  “Yeah, come on in.” Cole pulled the door to the side, allowing me to step inside. “So, I’m just going to guess you’re here to see Blake.”

  I twirled on the heels of my boots. “Good guess. Is he here?” I wasn’t sure if I should hope he would appear from the office.

  When I played this scenario out in my head, it didn’t include Cole.

  “Yes and No. How did you know he was on the island and not Orlando?”

  I shrugged, embarrassed to tell him I had stalked his cousin’s social media accounts. Everywhere Blake went there were pictures. I knew he had landed in Raleigh yesterday. That only meant one thing—he was here. He had a bye week. The team was off for almost two weeks.

  “A good guess?” I faked dumb.

  “Well, he’s not here. He’s up at the Dock House. It’s Tuesday. You remember Tuesday nights around here, don’t you?” He had taken a seat on a nearby stool.

  “Of course I do. I just didn’t know where I’d find him, so I thought I’d try here first.” The disappointment that Blake wasn’t here washed over me. Or was it relief?

  “Don’t look so sad, girl. He’ll be back.”

  I took a step toward the door. I hadn’t flown hours and then driven three more to sit around and wait for Blake to show up. I had to get this over with.

  “Thanks, I’m going to go see him.”

  “I guess some things don’t change.” Cole exhaled.

  “What does that mean?”

  “You always going after what you want—same ol’ Sierra.” Cole smiled.

  “Some things do change,” I replied softly. I had to fight the instinct to rest my hand on my belly.

  Cole’s playful banter face transformed to shock.

  “What’s going on? Why are you here?”

  “To see Blake,” I answered.

  “Uh-huh. And you just showed up here on a Tuesday night?”

  “We need to talk. Ok? We left a lot of things unresolved at the end of the summer.”

  “That’s what you call it?”

  I felt the tingles of panic work through my body. “Why? Did he say something to you? Do you know something, Cole?”

  He backed up. “I’m not getting in the middle of this again. I played my part when you left the first time. I watched the destruction of my cousin implode in front of my eyes.”

  “Wow. I didn’t know you thought that about me.”

  He hung his head. “I don’t, Sierra. But you two need to get your shit straight. You belong together, not apart. And the sooner you both figure it out, the sooner you can stop hurting each other.”

  “That’s why I’m here,” I admitted.

  “Good.” He shoved his hands in his pockets.

  “Could you do something for me? A small favor?” I asked.

  “Depends.”

  “Could you give me time to get there? Please don’t tell him I’m here. I need to talk to him. It’s important.” I was suddenly more afraid than ever that if he knew I was on the way he might be the one to run this time.

  “I can do that.” He grinned.

  I looked at the clock on the wall. “I need to go if I’m going to catch him.”

  “Aw, you’ll be fine. He’ll be there ’til closin’ time.” Cole winced as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

  My smile changed quickly. “What are you saying? He planned to stay out all night?”

  I tried to keep the jealousy and suspicions out of my voice, but it was hard to forget the fan girl groupies who were always waiting for Blake after his shows. Any one of them would be more than happy to go home with him, if he gave them the chance. A sour pit formed in my stomach.

  “You’ve been gone almost two months, girl. I think you need to get down there and see for yourself.” Cole walked to the office and turned off the lights.

  I fumbled with the doorknob and walked out, the briskness of October wrapping around my shoulders. Cole was right behind me. I looked at the rental car and thought of the twenty-minute drive to the Dock House. I wasn’t
sure I could make it there; my emotions were all over the place.

  Cole patted me on the shoulder before walking to his Jeep. “Enjoy the show. It was good seeing you.” He climbed in and peeled onto the road before I could pepper him with more questions about Blake. I wasn’t prepared for what I was going to say to him. How did I tell him he was about to become a father?

  Damn it. I better get this over with.. I sent the car into drive and made my way to Oakton, to Blake.

  37

  Sierra

  Tuesday nights in October were a far cry from the crowded summer nights I was used to. I pulled into an empty parking space close to the Dock House sidewalk. Blake’s truck wasn’t here, but Cole had told me this was where he was for the night.

  This was the last place I should be. The absolute last place. I’d woken up this morning in hot and dusty Dallas, and now I was standing outside of the Dock House while boats rocked in their slips.

  My heel made a hollow sound as it hit the parking lot pavement. I slammed the car door behind me and inhaled, taking in this place and all the memories we had made.

  The wind whipped through my hair. I hesitated. This was all wrong. I shouldn’t be here. But I had to know. I had to see him again.

  I pushed open the door, my heart in my throat, my palms dewy with perspiration, my breath fevered.

  Was any of it real, or had it all just been a flash of summer heat?

  I didn’t know whether to run into the bar screaming his name or sneak in like a spy. Right now, nothing made any sense.

  I took a deep breath and walked through the door, opting for the less dramatic entrance choice. The lights were low and candles dotted the tables. From behind the bar, I saw the bartender leaning on her elbows, eyes fixed on the stage. I scanned the room, skipping over the locals who were listening to the performance. There he was, sitting on the stage, holding his guitar. I walked in as the song he was playing ended.

  The handful of drinkers started clapping. I’d never seen the place so empty.

  “One more before I take a break, y’all.” Blake spoke into the mic. “This is something new I just wrote. So just indulge me for a minute. I’m bearing a little of my soul tonight.”

  My throat tightened. I stepped one foot in front of the other and slid into an open seat at the back of the bar. I thought maybe the shadows would protect me. He couldn’t see me in the dark corner.

  “Whoooo, baby. You sing whatever you want!” one of the fan girls shouted from a nearby bar stool.

  I shot her a death stare.

  Blake’s laugh filled the bar. “Calm down, Cece. I’ll play your song in the next set.”

  I thought he winked at the girl. Maybe this was a mistake. A huge mistake. What was I thinking coming here? That he would be different? That he would change? That he had held a flame for me as deep and heated as the one I held for him.

  No matter how I tried, this man was etched in my soul. He was everything to me. I knew that before I found out about the baby. I’d known it since our first kiss. I knew it at our last kiss. My ribs pinched together at the thought that there was someone else in the picture. He had moved on so quickly. And I had mourned him. I had cried for us.

  One note launched into the air, followed by another, then Blake started to sing.

  Summer winds in your hair

  Feeling more than the salty air

  I should have known when you smiled

  That you were taking my heart

  When you left this sleepy town

  So why did you have to kiss me like that?

  Girl, why did you have to kiss me like that?

  With our feet in the sand

  And your body in my hands

  There was no way to keep from

  Falling under your spell

  So why did you have to kiss me like that?

  Girl, why did you have to kiss me like that?

  Summer rolled out like a wave

  You’re gone, but I still see you in this place

  So why did you have to kiss me like that?

  Girl, why did you have to kiss me like that?

  The small crowd erupted in applause. Blake looped the guitar strap over his head and placed the instrument next to his stool.

  I had no words. My heart pounded in my chest. He had written everything I had been feeling for the past month. All of the things I tried to escape and ignore in Dallas, he had managed to capture in a song—an amazing, beautiful, heartbreaking song.

  The butterflies in my stomach were now a full flock of seagulls. If I didn’t talk to him, I was going to explode.

  I stood, ready to intercept his path to the bar. As he made his way off the stage, he shook a man’s hand and then, in an instant, Cece was next to him, handing him a beer. He squeezed her shoulder before taking a few swallows.

  I stopped in mid-stride. Cece was planted under his arm, smiling and looking right at him. Her dark, pixie haircut was perfectly styled—too perfectly, I thought as I exhaled. This whole thing was a disaster. Complete disaster. Why hadn’t Cole been a little more forthcoming with the details of Blake’s Dock House nights? Maybe he wanted me to find Blake with another girl. Maybe he thought this was what I deserved.

  The exit to the Dock House was about twenty paces behind me. Maybe I could turn and walk out before Blake saw me standing there like a total idiot. This didn’t have to get any worse than it already was. I reached down for my purse and slung the leather bag over my shoulder. Blake looked content with his arm draped around Cece. He hadn’t noticed I was there. He wouldn’t even notice I was gone.

  I’d tell him another time. Another way. But not like this in the face of utter humiliation. I couldn’t watch him move on with another girl.

  I walked toward the door with every intention of going straight to the car. But I couldn’t help it. As much as I wanted to walk right out the door, I needed one last look. One reminder that he had moved on and I was the one holding on to a summer crush. One more snapshot of Blake to remember. This moment needed to be preserved.

  Because I would need it later when I held our baby. I would need to remember why I had to do this on my own. I couldn’t raise a baby with a man who didn’t want me. A man who didn’t love me as wildly as I loved him. What kind of life would I offer our child that way? This baby wasn’t bigger than a grain of rice and I already felt the strongest connection and maternal instinct for its happiness. It was my responsibility to give our baby everything in this world. And that might not include two parents who were in a relationship together, but it could include a mother who loved tirelessly.

  I couldn’t put it all together in this second. Blake would have a role. He could be involved, but like hell if I was going to confess every love sick emotion I had felt. My heart broke and shattered with the realization that I had missed my chance with him again.

  As I pivoted on my heels and looked across the bar, he saw me. Shit! Panicked and flustered, I slid through the narrow entrance and ran to the car. Oh my God, where were my keys? I fumbled through my oversized bag in front of the driver side door and dropped the keys on the pavement.

  “Shit.” I crouched down, searching under the car for the keys.

  “Sierra?” Blake walked over to where I was a shaking, nervous wreck. He dropped to the parking lot and scooped up the keys from behind the front wheel.

  “Hey.” I let a nervous reply eek from my lips as I tried to stand.

  Blake hopped to his feet. “What are you doing here?”

  “I-I…” None of the prepared speeches I had rehearsed on the plane or in the car seemed to fit this moment. Seeing him with Cece had changed all of that.

  I’m having your baby seemed like a ridiculous thing to say right now.

  “I don’t even know what to say.” He stepped closer, causing my senses to buzz from the nearness.

  “I should get going. Just popped by to say hi.” I reached for the keys that were in his fist.

  Blake scanned my eyes. “What? That’s
it? I haven’t seen you in almost two months and you’re just out of here?”

  I froze. What in the hell did I do now?

  38

  Blake

  I had no idea what was going on with this girl. I thought I had seen a damn mirage when I looked over at the bar door and locked eyes with her. Nothing was going to stop me from running after that blonde, just in case it was Sierra. I knew I had it bad.

  There wasn’t enough whiskey or beer last night to drink her out of my head, and I had sure as hell tried.

  I thought I saw Sierra everywhere I went. The girl I spun around in the grocery store yesterday almost clocked me. Even my cousin, Cece, had started teasing me about it. The music helped; singing about Sierra helped. When those notes were in the air and I could sing about her, my heart didn’t hurt quite as much for that one song. Taking a hit on the field, or scoring a touchdown took the edge off. But, now here she was, already running out of town, and she hadn’t been here five minutes.

  “I shouldn’t have come. Big, big mistake.” She fiddled with the door handle, suddenly very clumsy. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ll call you later.”

  I reached around her and took the keys from her hand. “Call me later?”

  I wasn’t letting her out of here until we had it out. I was still a little drunk. Drunk enough I wasn’t going to hold anything back.

  Her eyes fell to the pavement. She pinched her lips together.

  “Say something before you leave. Have a beer with me at least?” I realized I might be begging a little, but this was crazy.

  “I think you’ve got that covered. Cece’s keeping a barstool warm for you, isn’t she?”

  “What?”

  “I saw you two. You don’t have to say anything else. We’ll talk another time. Just let me go, Blake.”

  I laughed. Once it started, I couldn’t stop. I wiped the tears that started squeezing from the corners of my eyes.